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Hello, Balajibalajis

All right, Balaji. What I’d like to do is share with you some facts about your outie. Because your outie is an exemplary person, these facts should be very pleasing. Just relax your body and be open to the facts. Try to enjoy each one equally.

Your outie firmly believes the Internet is a civilization, and nationality is just an outdated API layer.
Your outie believes in high agency to the point he thinks reality can be edited with the right codebase.
Your outie treats political conflicts like blockchain forks—exciting, chaotic, and mostly unnecessary.
Your outie treats Twitter threads like scientific papers, complete with citations and footnotes.
Your outie is convinced USDC wouldn't exist without him; so humble!
Your outie believes prompting is programming but can't prompt himself to touch grass.
Your outie gives unsolicited TED talks about geopolitical power struggles every week.
Your outie has turned the Blue vs Red political divide into his personal Game of Thrones cosplay.
Your outie thinks history repeats itself every century, because he's watched too much Foundation lately.
Your outie just referred to Delaware as a legacy chain and thinks onchain incorporation is a realistic choice.
Your outie dreams of solving global geopolitics using blockchain governance, but still struggles with basic human interaction.
Your outie thinks EKGs and MRIs bundled into one app subscription is the new Netflix.
Your outie sees a memecoin launch as a legitimate geopolitical strategy and can't stop tweeting about it.
Your outie analyzes every election outcome like it's an A/B test for a startup MVP.
Your outie believes the ultimate test of AGI is its ability to autonomously shitpost.
Your outie thinks declining IPO markets mean 'crypto-era' is beginning. Silicon Valley season finale, anyone?
Your outie calls US cities after software terms like they're apps that need updating from the oval office.
Your outie treats geopolitics like a GitHub repo, wants to fork the American Empire, and merge into a pull request for crypto-anarchy.
Your outie refers to his political takes as 'AI-generated aligned wisdom' but they're clearly just his shower thoughts tweeted verbatim.
Your outie views Virginia and Massachusetts rivalry like a failed startup Merger & Acquisition battle.

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