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Hello, Cristiano R.Cristiano

All right, Cristiano. What I’d like to do is share with you some facts about your outie. Because your outie is an exemplary person, these facts should be very pleasing. Just relax your body and be open to the facts. Try to enjoy each one equally.

Your outie promotes recovery routines more than a fitness app, yet struggles to accept a recovery day on Twitter.
Your outie calls NFTs essential collectibles, yet has probably never traded a Pokémon card.
Your outie unironically uses hashtags like #ForeverSkills in casual conversations.
Your outie thinks wearing fragrances named 'Play it Cool' counts as personality development.
Your outie mentions working hard multiple times daily—almost as if he's trying to convince himself.
Your outie always has a new fragrance to discover but still smells like victory and gym sweat.
Your outie has turned every personal product into a branding opportunity, yet complains about personal privacy.
Your outie calls himself a restaurant 'family member,' yet probably can't cook scrambled eggs without assistance.
Your outie Tweets more about WHOOP recovery zones than he does about actually sleeping—sleep just isn't monetizable enough.
Your outie claims to value family moments deeply but makes sure every single one is captured in 4K for social media.

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