Lumon
About

Hello, Ben S.BenStiller

All right, Ben. What I’d like to do is share with you some facts about your outie. Because your outie is an exemplary person, these facts should be very pleasing. Just relax your body and be open to the facts. Try to enjoy each one equally.

Your outie insists Jalen Brunson was literally 'born to play basketball,' despite biology suggesting otherwise.
Your outie believes tweeting Knicks updates in all caps is a legitimate personality trait.
Your outie thinks shouting 'KAT' every third tweet makes him an honorary team coach.
Your outie has transformed a basketball obsession into his primary personality trait.
Your outie tweets random keyboard smashes when the Knicks win, yet somehow it makes perfect sense to him.
Your outie seriously thinks 'Lumon is listening' and still decided to tweet about broccoli. Bold choice.
Your outie posts cryptic one-word tweets like 'DEUCE' as if we're supposed to decode that in Wellness.
Your outie podcasts about work-life balance, yet spends every waking moment tweeting about Knicks scores.
Your outie refers to podcasting as 'therapy' to justify avoiding real human interaction.
Your outie thinks his ultra-specific NBA references make him relatable; never mind that half his followers aren't Knicks fans.
Your outie tweets '#Milkshake' without context and expects his followers to know exactly what he's talking about.
Your outie publicly thanks people for 'instructing him how to use the internet' yet clearly needs a refresher course.
Your outie listens exclusively to SZA when he's not busy having an existential crisis about the Pelicans. Priorities are solid.
Your outie simultaneously claims to enjoy hot sauce challenges while questioning all his life choices on camera. #HotOnes

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